“It wouldn’t be right to rape you, you have a boyfriend,” is about what I expect from a 4Channer.
EDIT: Holy fuck Lemmy, this comment section is a dumpster fire. First, to all the people saying he did reject her because she was drunk, not because she has a boyfriend, there’s no evidence of that; he stated twice that it was wrong because she had a boyfriend, and zero times that it was wrong because she was drunk. But whatever, if you want to believe that, whatever, I’m done arguing over your fan fiction.
But here are some things that are 100% facts that some of you need to understand:
- If someone is throwing up, they are too drunk to consent to sex.
- If you are not throwing up, you are almost certainly not as drunk as someone who is throwing up. The person vomiting has alcohol poisoning, and unless you also have symptoms of alcohol poisoning, you are more sober than them.
- Vomiting does not remove alcohol from your system. Intoxication occurs when alcohol enters your bloodstream. Vomiting will prevent further alcohol from entering your bloodstream, but it will not remove any alcohol from your bloodstream, and you’ll be just as drunk as you were before you vomited.
- If the OP had sex with the girl in this story, it would have been rape. She was far too drunk to give consent, and based on his telling, he was not. Clearly, some of you feel differently, but your shitty opinions on consent don’t change the fact that legally, it would have been rape.
So you’re shitting on them for doing the right thing? Or am I misinterpreting
His reasoning for not sleeping with her was that she had a boyfriend, so it, “wouldn’t be right.” But that girl was so drunk that sleeping with her would have been rape. He did the right thing, but his reasoning was clearly wrong, and implies that if she didn’t have a boyfriend he would have slept with her, even though she could not consent.
I can see what you’re saying, but you are making some assumptions and that’s entirely due to OP being an unreliable narrator.
Throwing up usually purges a lot of the alcohol from your system. OP makes no mention of throwing up themselves, and I’m assuming they were drinking too. That means there’s a solid chance there’s more alcohol in OPs system than hers. You do understand that consent works both ways, yes?
Holy shit, I was going to respond that the first sentence about how there’s no reason to think that OP’s thoughts are different than his words, but GOD DAMN do we need to address the second half of this comment.
So, first of foremost, vomiting will not purge alcohol from your system. If you are drinking so heavily that you’ve thrown up, you are already experiencing alcohol poisoning. Your body is purging your stomach to prevent you from metabolizing any more of the poison, but it’s not removing any of the alcohol that’s already in your bloodstream. Eating bread won’t absorb alcohol, drinking black coffee won’t sober you up; there is only one thing in the world that will remove alcohol from your system, and that is time.
Secondly, you are right, consent works both ways. If the OP had been the one that was throwing up, and the girl had taken advantage of him, then that also would have been rape. But that wasn’t what happened; one person was so drunk she was throwing up, had to be put to bed, and clearly couldn’t consent. The other person was not throwing up, was capable enough to caretake this person, and could get himself home safely. There is zero chance the poster was drunker than the girl.
I tended bar for over ten years, so please take this advice; if you see someone is noticeably drunk, do not sleep with them. If you find yourself in a position where you think, “This person seems drunk, but I’m a little drunk too, so it’s probably OK,” you are already showing reasoning and logic (and therefore ability to consent), and the other person may not be able to do the same.
There is a line between two adults who are attracted to each other using alcohol as a social lubricant and someone who is too drunk to know what they’re doing coming on to you, and I know that line can be blurry when you’re younger. I promise you, as you get older, you’ll have more experience, better instincts, the people around you will stop drinking to excess, and that line will get less blurry. Until then, err on the side of caution, and if there is even the slightest question as to whether someone is too drunk to consent, do not sleep with them.
Do you accept that they were both drunk and that consent works both ways?
Jesus christ, imagine bloviating this much about a drunk person not thinking exactly what you want them to think. I cannot imagine having my head so firmly shoved up my ass.
Edit: actually, it’s worse - you’re attempting to completely gloss over her sexual assault of him. I’d actually argue that just makes you a bad fucking person.
Well, I’m really sorry if I done something to give you the impression I give a fuck what you think. That definitely wasn’t my intention.
Great, glad we’re on the same page. Have a nice go fuck yourself.
On an empty stomach, blood alcohol concentration peaks about one hour after consumption, depending on the amount drunk
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC543875/
So unless the girl threw up within an hour (give or take) after drinkinging, throwing up won’t do much.
Great, so they were both still drunk. Do you or do you not accept that consent works both ways?
Or maybe what he expected was most likely to let a drunk girl let him go?
That’s a fair expectation, but it doesn’t change the fact that he only didn’t sleep with her because she had a boyfriend, not because she was so drunk sleeping with her would have been rape.
Wrong as fuck she is not too drunk to consent what the fuck lol
LOL, exactly the shit I’m talking about. Imagine thinking it’s OK to have sex with a girl who just drank so much she puked. I thought thinking like this died out in the 80s, but i guess the kids are back on date rape.
or I’m an adult I’ve drank and live in the real world not the Internet like this fuckin opinion. Throwing up from drinking doesn’t indicate intoxication level, they pregamed she drank too fast and then tried to have sex with him.
Her trying to have sex with him says she’s not too drunk. Like what the fuck? I’ve thrown up from a single shot of tequila because it doesn’t sit well with me, if I mix too much sugar and alcohol I’ll puke. Am I too drunk to consent off one shot of tequila? Grow up
LOL, you’re not an adult. Adults don’t throw up from drinking.
Are you 12?
Buddy, I’m 100% older than you. That’s why I don’t say shit like, “pre-game,” or throw up because I drank a shot when I had too much sugar in my tummy. I’m going to give you two pieces of advice, as someone who’s probably tended bar longer than you’ve been allowed to drink: 1) Learn to hold your liquor before your 30, because this shit stops being cute real quick and 2) don’t have sex with anyone that’s thrown up, because they’re too drunk to consent (except on the very rare occasion that they drank too much sugar and upset their wittle tum-tum).
This is the most arrogant and out of touch comment ever holy fuck lol
Get a life kid
Anon is a good person
Anon doesn’t care she’s drunk, only that she “belongs” to someone else. Good Anon would have told her to try this again while sober and preferably single.
Unfortunately they don’t actually state their reasoning. They just state what they told her while trying to reason with them to go to sleep.
You are probably right, but its just an assumption. In their position I would also be attempting to reason with them by reminding them of their existing relationship instead of “No, I don’t want to rape you. You cannot consent.”
this isn’t right
you have a boyfriend
you have a boyfriend
They don’t actually state their reasoning
Yup that’s what he said to her alright…
Cheating on her boyfriend with you will end in cheating on you with a new guy.
He dd the right thing, no regrets. It sucks a lot tho, and it’s hard.
And he didnt rape her which is more important than the cheating.
how would he be raping her anyway? she was the one trying to force him to have sex with her even after he made it clear he didn’t want to
I’m going to give a longer explanation than was already given.
So, imagine yourself at a hospital. You’re about to have a minor surgery, and get knocked out. While you’re under, some nurse comes in and fucks you in the ass.
Is that rape?
Switch things up. You’re at a bar, having a good time, someone slips something in your drink. While you’re under the influence of that hit of whatever, they take you into the bathroom and fuck you in the ass, and you agreed to that, you may even like it.
Is that rape?
On a fundamental level, if someone is visibly drunk, or even olfactorily drunk (meaning your can smell the booze on them), they are in a state of mind that is the same as being drugged. It doesn’t matter if they are initiating contact, they are unable to give meaningful consent.
Now, if you want to argue we need another term instead of rape, I’m okay with that. We can call it whatever. But we have statutory rape already, which exists because we recognize that even when someone is the initiator, there are states of mind and being that simply can’t make a choice to have sex in a meaningful way. So using the term rape for violating meaningful consent is fine, even when it’s an adult, and even when they initiate.
I am also aware that there are edge cases where consenting before consuming a substance could/should count as meaningful consent. And I’m aware that there is a range of inebriation where meaningful consent is still possible. However it is nearly impossible to tell without testing what a person’s blood alcohol level is, so we’re limited. That in turn means that the standard for (at least colloquial usage) what is and isn’t inebriated rape has to be broader than it would be if we had reliable testing on the fly.
I also agree with your point that she was ignoring consent, and being an absolutely horrible person, and if she had persisted by force or coercion and he had given in, I wouldn’t accept her being drunk as a defense against any charges brought.
But there’s a fundamental inability to consent when drunk. How drunk? That’s something that would need to be addressed by medical science and then legislated. What’s the maximum BAC someone can give meaningful consent for other things? But that fact is there, that alcohol serves to break down the ability to consent, and sex without consent is considered rape, on at least a colloquial level, if not always on a legal level everywhere.
I want to point out two things
1: She threw up, assuming she doesn’t have a pocket dimension in her throat she likely threw up most of the alcohol.
2: OP was almost certainly drinking. OP makes no mention of throwing up. We can pretty safely assume OP is also drunk, and likely has more alcohol still in his system than her.
Seems like a lot of people ITT think that consent is a one way street. He said no and was drunk, she pushed. We can at the very least admit that she sexually assaulted him, and if you think otherwise you need to rethink some things.
I already replied to your similar comment on my thread, but I’m going to repeat myself here to give this maximum visibility; vomiting does not remove alcohol from your system. You become intoxicated not when you swallow alcohol, but when the alcohol in your stomach is metabolized and enters your blood stream. If you are vomiting from alcohol, it means your body has metabolized so much alcohol that it has recognized that it is being poisoned. It is purging your stomach to prevent you from metabolizing any more poison, but it is not removing any alcohol from your system (AKA your bloodstream). Someone is just as drunk just before they threw as they were after they threw up. That person will only become sober once their liver has had time to filter the alcohol out of their system.
Since OP is not throwing up, but the girl in his story is, it is far, far more likely that she is much drunker than him. Unless he had other symptoms of alcohol poisoning (and it seems like he would have mentioned that), it is safe to assume that her BAC is much higher than his. More broadly, you should never think that someone vomiting up alcohol is a sign that they are sobering up.
We can pretty safely assume OP is also drunk
How? Pre-gaming doesn’t typically result in being drunk, it’s something you do to cut the costs of getting drunk at a bar. It’s usually something like 1-2 drinks, so you’d be a little buzzed, but not drunk. If he was drunk, I highly doubt he’d have the fortitude to refuse, because alcohol dramatically lowers your inhibitions. It could also be that OP doesn’t drink, he just went because he likes the girl.
So no, I don’t think we can safely assume OP is drunk. Also, you don’t throw up alcohol until after you’re already drunk, so throwing up most of the alcohol isn’t going to sober her up.
Pre gaming at 22 definitely involves heavy drinking.
It can, but I’ve “pre-gamed” with people who are drinking without drinking myself. Designated drivers are certainly present if the bars aren’t within walking distance. Generally speaking, people don’t get drunk before going to the bar, because the bar won’t let you order if you’re visibly drunk, and why would they allow you to stay if you’re not a paying customer?